i always put myself in destructive situations

i do this to myself . it's inevitable that i will fail, and it's all becuase i set myself up for it . the doctor promised that these pills would give me more energy, but my fingers are lifelessly moving as i type this blog entry . i really don't think there is anything that can help me . it's so awkward, but i feel like i need something to be sad about . i see all these people around me, being hurt by others, but i envy them, because at least they have someone in their lives that can hurt them . it sounds stupid, and it probably only makes sense in my mind . i'm so anxious right now, and i don't know why . ugh . my mind is racing with thoughts of what used to be, i want to go back in time so i can reverse all the irreversible things that i have done . but i can't . no use in dwelling in the past .

what doesn't kill me, breaks me down every day .

the golden rule

treat others as you'd wish to be treated . nothing more, nothing less . if everyone only lived by this simple saying, the world would be a much better place . but instead, there are things like ignorance and arrogance, and people assume they are better than others, and act accordingly .

on a more personal note, lately, i've been feeling this overwhelming pressure on my shoulders that i can't seem to shrug off . it's just something that's become a part of me, this consant nervousness and anxious anticipation of not knowing what's coming next . normally, i thrive on this sort of unpredictability, but recently i've been absolutely terrifed of it . i think i need to see someone about this, because it's not a way i want to live my life and i'm afraid if i continue to feel like this, things will go very wrong .

i'm ranting .

peace .

i've gone too far to come back from here

and you don't have a clue, you don't know what you do to me .

i wish i was in love . it's hard to live in a world where you're constantly reminded how great relationships are, and how much you love one another, and not have someone in your life to share that with . the thing is, as soon as i start thinking i need love, my mind tells me, "no you don't ." because i know what love does . yeah sure, it feels good and wonderful and happy in the beginning, but after that, it's hell . i don't want to go through that, not right now . i've never been in love, and yet i'm always being let down by it . it's not worth it . at least not for now .

i'd rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable .
at least i think so .

peace .

me .

i'm not too good with displaying my thoughts out for everyone to see .

but i've been holding a lot of emotions in, and it's about time i got them out .

i am sick and tired of being sick and tired . of everything . i am never completely satisfied with anything . it's not that i have a negative mentality, it's just that i tend to get carried away when i set expectations for myself . my expectations are always impractical . i know i set myself up for failure, and i beat myself up for it everyday . for someone like me, "my best," is simply not good enough . i'm working on changing that, but so far, i've had no success . perhaps i've set my expectations too high on trying to lower my expectations . it makes no sense . but then again, so doesn't life .

peace .